Ghost Hunters

Ernie dropped his fish. I don't mean a dead fish. I mean a live one! On the ground! What a klutz! But I was a little more empathetic with him then. He cried and cried. I tried to calm him down- alas, he was inconsolable.

I tried everything! Finger puppets, hand puppets, sock puppets, marionettes, Fubuwear, Big Daddy Kane's cane, and a big ol' smile. My head lowered; I was dejected. Finally, I decided to shoot him up with enough heroin that it would keep Jimmy Page and Keith Richards content for eternity.

Did you know an anagram for stop is tops? Like in Top of the Pops? Wouldn't it have been righteous if "Top of the Pops" symbol had been a stop sign to let everyone know how literate they were? Of course, the stop sign may have kept a lot of people from dancing; which would have affected the show.

Another cool anagram word is spine. Penis! You can get penis out of spine. I wish my penis were as big as my spine. It would be huge. So big, in fact, that I'd be able to fuck a female Bigfoot. Who can say that they fucked a female Bigfoot? I suppose a male Bigfoot could say that, but since we haven't actually found one, then no one could say they fucked a female Bigfoot! Except me!

I'd call her Doris- after my favorite day.

Peter Cetera

Mom and Cheryl went to see Chicago. Mom wrote her phone number on her underwear and Cheryl did the same. During the show they threw their underwear on the stage. Mom liked the drummer, Cheryl liked Peter. Needless to say, the traffic was really horrible that night.

I don't know if Cheryl ever found out who had stolen her three Murano Clowns, but I would suspect that if Marshall ever did, the thief would be none too pleased when his face started melting off- you know, like in "Raiders of the Lost Ark." But the thief probably wouldn't be wearing a fedora. If he's a thief, he'd be wearing a ski cap or some pantyhose. Thieves aren't cool. Fedoras are.